The Wind at My Back

I can't bring myself to buying anything for the baby. At times I indulge myself and pop into a baby store to research strollers or to check out what is new the cloth diaper world. But I feel like a phony. I never stay long as the initial excitement wheres off in nano seconds once I am in and look around at other parents who actually have babies with them. I am really ok with it all but it just confirms why I don't want to buy anything until I have the baby proposal come my way. I don't want to jinx anything and I actually want to meet her first. How can you buy a gift for someone if you don't know who they are. Although I almost did that today at a store closing sale. Beautiful tablecloths and place mats at 70% off. I stopped, looked, and then walked right by thinking I will pop in on my way back to the car. Never passed the store, ended up walking around the block to hit the LCBO. At least I have my priorities straight.

OK, I digressed there for a moment. I want to jump back to my "researching" that I am doing for the baby. On-line has proven to be the best therapy. I don't feel like a phony on-line as it is just me looking, no other people, babies or store clerks asking "how old is your baby?"

The other week I found this really cool hammock. I thought how wonderful this be to hang on the cottage porch or out from a tree (yes I will have a bug net over it). Imagine looking up and seeing green shining leaves dancing with the wind and gold streaks of the sun playing hide-and seek.

For those who really know me....know how hard it is for me not to be completely organized and have everything all planned out down to the last onesie-washed, pressed and folded. But in this time of uncertainty I am learning how to be patient and how to let the universe back into my life for a little support and guidance (thanks S.L.). I need to trust that all will be right and I will be where I need to be at that time. It is rather liberating (big smile and sigh) knowing that I don't have to walk into the wind all the time.

Run Char Run

I have not been very active on my blog the past couple weeks but really there has not been much to write about. I am patiently waiting for Spring to arrive and stay put. I have had enough of the winter stuff and I need to put my box of hats, mitts, and scarves away. With that will go the boot tray by the door and those heavy winter coats that billow into my hallway taking up precious space in my already tiny house.

As I write this I am also thinking that my Charlotte goes to her dad's place tonight for three months. My three months are up and they were glorious. I just loved having her little spirit along side of me, looking up and wiggling her brown nose at me, lifting an eyebrow in question. She got me off my ass during my recovery to walk her. There is no keeping this dog inside and even if your head is in the toilet you would rather walk her than put up with her antics. She is my dress rehearsal before having a baby.

On Sunday we went to the Maple Syrup festival in Mountsberg. I was with my girlfriends and their babies/children. This place was swarming with families. There were excited children everywhere getting ready to eat pancakes and to learn how maple syrup is made. Charlotte was in heaven with all those pancakes around and her friends. We happily went along for the ride although what it really felt like to me was "one of these things just doesn't belong" song. After a while I needed to leave the "shiny happy people" for refuge into the wild so with that I said good-bye and Char and I (and auntie) left to hike through the woods and walk back to the farmhouse we were staying at.

This is a beautiful path back to the road with a boardwalk, forest, streams and really good smells. A quarter of the way in I let Char off the lead so she could feel free and run (and get tired). Within a few seconds she was off into the bush looking like she was on a mission for something. She did not come back. We waited and waited and finally it dawned on me that she might be headed back for the tasty bun we saw on route. Her nose never forgets. I head off back to where the people are but no sign of Char. I run back to Auntie and she has a strong hold on Char...she was just in the bush exploring just as a dog would do. So I am relieved at this point and we decide to carry on. Not more than 3 minutes later she was off like a shot again. This time we waited and waited and no Char. I was so worried that she might have fallen into the icy stream and maybe it was deep or it was too slippery for her to get out. All these thoughts came into my head. Auntie and I split up and she went back the way we came and I went into the bush to see if she was anywhere near. I couldn't believe this. We have walked this path a couple times and she has never done this.

I all but give up and start to walk back to park. I get word from a woman on the path that Char was there and having an altercation with her dog. I get chastised for not having Char on a leash and by this point I am too angry to even apologize to this dog owner and her mean looking dog. Almost into the park and Auntie comes running....:we found Char we found Char". My group of friends were waiting just inside the park all chagrined and I am poker face mad. They tell me they were just walking from the pancake area and they saw a dog running..."hey look at that dog". My other friend says, "that is not a dog that is Charlotte...look at the collar". So they bellowed her name and offered her treats and she came a runnin. She was held by a scarf until we could get the leash on her. Boy I was livid (and had to pee).

Char and I walked all the way home on the road, on a short lead and when we got back to the farm she stayed on lead while she was outside. Not a peep from her, head down, eyes upward looking at me with that beautiful face of hers. She knew she was in trouble. I figured that she either wanted pancakes or she just wanted to be where all the people were. All the passer by-ers were giving her lots of attention and she lives for that. Char also loves my friends and all their children (she is their protector).

Sometimes it just might not be about food. But who is kidding who...she is a lab.