On the Eve of Christmas

This morning I will be jumping on a bus and then a subway train to get to my office to work until approx. 3:00pm... only to get back on the subway, onto the bus and home.....to finish packing, load the car with presents, food, wine (and more wine), dog and dog paraphernalia, stop at grocery store to purchase organic cream and then drop a present of at wee Jack's house. By then I may need to turn back as I will have forgotten something at home. But I really need it and so I go back home and then head up Black Creek Dr. towards the 400 hwy.

Feeling very stressed, as I have been for the past 38 days, and nurturing a very stressed neck and head I do need to stop, breath, reflect, smile and realize that my life is going to change so dramatically that all of the above is nothing but a moment in time.

I can't wait to be in Vientam and meeting Lily -My Yen for the very first time. How will she be feeling with this strange person. Will she be checking me out, wondering who this person is with crazy hair like herself. It will be a perfect moment in a not so perfect world. All the worry of the past will be just that as I will be presented with new worries of a different kind. Worries that are golden, that get to perculate over time. Worries that nothing but a cuddle or a few coos can take away.

I wonder what you will be doing on the Eve of Christmas sweet Lily? I know you are very well loved at VT and the Angels above will watch over you. And just think next year at this time you will most likely be walking and talking. We will be at my sister's house in the country and you will be staring up at a great big tree with lots of pretty lights on it. Charlotte will be playing tug of war with your favortie stuffed teddy and mamma will be enjoying the moment with her camera close by.

So here is getting into and through the Christmas holidays with great coffee, food and wine and visions of my sugar plum Lily dancing through my head.

Merry Christmas Everyone!! xxoo

Lily is 11 weeks old...

Yesterday I finally received the news I was hoping for. Lily's medical and more pictures. I was just ecstatic to have more pictures of this beautiful baby girl. All the photos were taken at her medical which was done on Wed. Dec. 16th. Dr. Jonathan did a thorough job and Lily's health cannot be much better than what he has documented.

Lily most likely has scabies which I half expected. Many families have gone before me and have been able to manage through this so I will be connecting with them to determine the best course of treatment once we have Lily out of the orphanage.

The pictures show that in only 4 weeks this little girl has grown substantially. When I see her face I see a much older baby. Her personality is starting to shine through and if I thought the first pics could melt my heart, well, these latest ones have set my heart on fire.

I can't wait to be able to post a picture of her on my site but it will have to wait until the end of Feb. at the earliest.

Well I am a working mom and I have to go and bring home the bacon...or the tofu.

Until later.

A Christmas Elf in My House

It is true, there has been a Christmas Elf in my house. When I came home from work I noticed there has been footprints up the steps to my front door. Also, when I came into the house I could see that someone has been eating in my kitchen....bread crumbs and tea stains. Hmmmm!

As I look around from room to room I can see what has kept this elf so busy. Suddenly, the top landing on my stairs does not squeek, and I have new trim on my bedroom doors, there is beautiful strips of wood as edging on the top steps. When I walked down to the basement I have noticed two doors being propped in a very ingenious way. I can actually spin the door around to be able to paint it. Now come on .....this elf should be on TV, should be in magazines.

The elf is brilliant!

Santa sure came early to my house this year. Thank you Elf. Perhaps one day you will show your pointed ears to all.

Guess Who is Coming Home Tonight?

Things are starting to come together.....especially with Charlotte arriving tonight on a permanent basis. I have spent some time early this morning dog proofing the house. Which means making space and pushing food back on the counter tops. It will be back to early morning walks and also evening ones so hopefully my girlish figure will benefit.

I have not had any more news on the adoption, however I was informed that the babies who were proposed on the 19th of Feb. will be going to HCMC this week for their full medicals and that means we should be getting detailed information on the babies. I will be glad to be doing something, anything to move this process along.


In the meantime I am working away with Erik make new bedroom door frames, doors and trim.




I have started on priming but our next big project will be making a barrier for the stairs. This is a must have and I will need to have this completed by end of year. I welcome feedback and ideas as to what materials we should use. I would love glass but that might be too expensive.

Proposal Day of Sweet Lily

I was up this morning at 4:20am. Can't sleep. Too excited. Is this how it is going to be from here on in? Is this why new mother's don't sleep?

Yes I have such wonderful news. On Thursday Nov. 19th, late morning I received a call from the Director of the Agency I have been working with. Most of the conversation was a blurr to me but I did manage to understand "Sweet Baby" and "Sending an Email".

I couldn't type, and the system seemed to be so slow as 1 second was just too long to wait. But there before my eyes was this little face. She has squeezable cheeks, full lips, very inquisitive eyes and hair that stands straight up. You can see little rolls of fat on her and I gotta tell ya, I have never been so happy to see rolls of fat. She looks really healthy. I counted ten fingers and toes. She seems quite alert in her pictures, which sadly I cannot post on my blog at this time. Until the adoption is final I can only share a photo with you via email....so you have to email me and request this.

Lily was 7 weeks and 1 day at proposal, born on Sept. 30th. This is such a special date for me as my brother Dale, who was only 11 months older than me passed away in the fall of 2003. I think he helped to orchestrate this this....and I have such a warm and wonderful feeling thinking of him.

So it has been two very busy days sharing the news with family and friends. Lots of happy tears have been shed and of course many questions asked, specifically, "when are you going to bring her home?"

I don't know when I will travel to bring her home but it should not be more than 4 months and if I am very lucky it may only be a wait of three months.

She looks very well cared for in the photos and the orphanage looks clean and well organized.

I have a list as long as Yonge St. of things to do so I don't think I will have much idle time on my hands....unless of course these sleepless nights continue. Then I should have everything done in before Christmas.

Great News on the Horizen (not about the baby)

Sore throat, a few aches and pains, a lump on my brow from bending down and hitting my head on the green recycle bin....a bit of a nip and tuck on my abdominal incision, tattoos (for those who really know me, you know where : ) and all this past week.

But I will only sulk one paragraph worth as I received news this week that I will have Charlotte full time as of December 15th. Yes, my ex has decided, I am sure with much angst, that I can have her. I will share with you one of the reasons why I am so happy to take her full time. Char got demoted to the basement when their baby was born a year ago and more recently she was kicked off her couch where she had slept for many years. It crushed me as I know how much she wants to be near people and part of the family. I mean she slept on that couch for about 5 years. I have read about families that once they have a baby the dog is kept away or in severe cases, they find a new family for they cannot manage both. Personally, I find that very sad. I want a bit of chaos in my life. I want my dog to be in the way and licking my daughter's face and I want my daughter to have as many years as possible with her new hairy best friend.

I will just embrace my good fortune and soon I will also get to meet my daughter. It is almost the end of October so I anticipate hearing something soon. I recently got new police clearance and Vietnamese medicals to up date my dossier and have it ready on a moments notice to present.

I have a good friend who will be travelling to Vietnam late next week to pick up her son. She has waited over 5 months to travel but soon enough the wait will be behind her and her beautiful boy with be in her arms.

Things To Do:

It has been an interesting few weeks as my list with things to do keeps adding up. What is it with me and the mechanics of things:

1) Fix car as it won't start - Yeah car finally fixed with new second hand starter...nothing but the second best for my car !!

2) Fix digital camera as it won't take a picture - took it in and felt like a moron b/c it wasn't really broken I just had the lens cap strap interferring with the zoom lens.

3) Get new cell phone as current one drowned in some water - OK this is a good one as I did finally get a new cell - an iphone and I am in love with it (typed with a high pitched singing voice)

4) Change in router for a wireless router (is that how you spell router?) - OPEN

5) Build railing on stairs before adoption practitioner comes to the house again - OPEN

6) Rent spare room out before end of month (short term) - Too late ...baby on the way!

7) Paint living room - OPEN

8) Take down wall between kitchen and living room - Hmmm Erik said this may not happen...still negotiating at least in my mind.

9) Make breakfast bar (really I just want to see the TV while cooking / and baby in due time)
- see above comment

10) Build a window bench with storage in master bedroom (I only have one closet in my entire house and that is my bedroom. - OPEN

11) New addition to the list - Remove old door frames for the upper two bedrooms and install new frames, door and trim....then paint - just needed to paint

I think it is good not to add too much on the list of things to do otherwise it will just seem too daunting and overwhelming and I wouldn't get half of it done. I think this is a good list, for some daunting but for the dynamic duo, piece of cake.

Meet and Greet - wow what a treat!

This week has been really funky weird. My days are all mixed up and I can't even remember who I spoke with on my morning conference call. I am tossing and turning and waking up long before my alarm clock goes off. I will be happy to see my vacation day this Friday and then a relaxing weekend at the cottage for the Thanksgiving holiday. I will be closing up the cottage this weekend, although I hate having to do it but I would never get anything done in the city if I went to the cottage every weekend.

This week I met with my adoption coordinator and also the Director of the agency I am working with on my adoption. We have been working together over the phone for two years and this week we finally got to meet each other. It was so lovely!

They informed me that I will need to update a few of my documents in my home study due to the fact that there will be a baby proposal coming my way in the next couple months. It could be a bit sooner or later as they just never really know how many proposals they will have each month.

We had a really good chat and I made valiant effort in a short amount of time to reveal as much as I could about myself. As I will be receiving my proposal from them it is best that they know what I am all about. Perhaps it will be easier for them to match me with a baby.

Hmmm maybe that is why I am not sleeping well or, why my days are all mixed up. Perhaps I have something on my mind that is keeping me from being my logical self. Hmmmm!

I did find out a few things and one being that the travel time after proposal to go to Vietnam is becoming a longer wait for all parents. It just breaks my heart to think that your baby is over there and you may not see her for 4-5 months.

It shouldn't be too long now but maybe a bit too soon to contact my travel agent : )

Gone Fishing

Hey I am back after a very long sabbatical from blog writing. Not that I don't enjoy writing as I do very much but after a while I felt like I had nothing new to write and no updates so I stopped. Recently, a good friend of mine at C.I. had suggested that I just write as she had missed reading my blog. So ....I am busier than ever yet it is easier than ever to carve time to sit and write.

I do hope everyone had a great summer despite the weather we had. I am loving September as my August and trying to get away on weekends as much as possible. This weekend I am home in Toronto.

I bet you want an update of my adoption? I went almost the whole summer without an update, tyring to put it on the back burner and not pestering everyone at the agency. I think it was back in April/May that I found out how the list had been reconstructed and I was thrown to number 25 in the wait. The months of April and May did not see any referrals out to waiting parents which was sad and didn't help my wait at all. Summer went slowly and then suddenly when I called the agency in Sept. I found out that I am number 10-12 on the list.

What? I couldn't believe it. Suddenly the time period of fall 2009 was actually here and not just in my mind of wishful thinking. IT IS HERE. I am so not ready : ) I did a lot of prep work last winter and then I have just done nothing. I am sure that is what it is like when you are pregnant...there just comes a time when you do nothing because you think the finish line is too far off. Well, maybe not quite the same considering when you are pregnant your feet start to disappear but you get what I am saying.

So I am looking at receiving my referral of a baby before Christmas with hopes to travel three months after that time. What a lovely Christmas present that would be. I am not even sure if she is born yet but I am thinking about her all the time now and wondering.

So now to get my ducks in a row and get some savings together and some stuff sold to help out with the costs. That is what I am doing this weekend.... organizing to determine what I am selling, getting an ad out there as my roommate is moving out on the 30th and then visiting my banker Monday morning.

I have faith and hope and for me that is like the blood that runs through my veins and the air that I breath. I cannot live without it and I am thankful for it.

Thanks for being patient and waiting for a new blog my friends. More to follow.

May Days

Ok, I know a few of you have been asking about a new post. I have been very busy following along on some other adopting parents journey to Vietnam. They are there right now and it is so beautiful to witness from afar. I am very happy for them and I really enjoy hearing about their Vietnamese experience. The babies are adorable and well looked after.

Recently, I had my girlfriends over for a Spring Fling in May. During the winter we don't get to see too much of each other so it is such a great opportunity to re-connect. And our gaggle is growing as you can see by the photo. In the photo we are missing my friend's 9 month old daughter and an other's 3 1/2 yr old son.

It was such a magical day. The weather could not have been better, the park just around the corner was a favorite for the kids, and there were enough activities to keep everyone entertained. So with a few children missing in the photo, a baby getting ready to be born in July and another friend who just had a baby girl...well there will be lots of kids for Lily to love.

Not Much of an Update

Yes, I am sorry to say that I do not have much of an adoption update. I have been very patient not to contact the agency to enquire where I am on "the list" but I figured it had been almost three months since I last pestered them.
So, while I was coming back from a client meeting in Kingston I checked messages and there was one from my agency. I had sent an email a few days back asking how I was progressing. When I contacted them in January I was informed that I was approx. 12 on the list to adopt a baby girl. Well, you can imagine my shock and surprise to get a message saying that I was number 25 on the list.
I was a bit frazzled but I also knew there had to be a mistake. So I called back to question the grave error. On my cell phone for 25 min discussing this and what I found out was that I am 25 on the list but they have done somewhat of an amalgamation of the girls list and either/or list. I don't think I will really ever know the details but I am hoping that this is a very fair system for all of us who are waiting to adopt a baby.
I guess you can say I am on track if that track is going to Uncertainty Avenue. What I can say is that I will have a proposal by the end of 2009. And we all know how time flies. I will turn the corner one day and to my surprise I will be right where I need to be.

Happy Easter Everyone

I love Easter holiday as it really brings back memories of being a child:

• pink skipping rope
• new patent black shoes
• a new Easter bonnet
• white tights
• hot cross buns
• overcooked ham
• scallop potatoes
• chocolate rabbits with my name written on it
• Sunday school stories

My mother would line all of kids up at the front of the house and snap a picture just before we walked a couple blocks to go to Sunday school. Photos to come.

My mother would take us out after school on a Friday to Woolworth's where she bought us a new outfit for Easter / Springtime. Then we would go to the United Cigar Store, grab a booth in the back and have burger, fries and a chocolate shake. We couldn't wear the new outfit until Easter Sunday but it was well worth the wait.

Happy Easter and Happy Passover to all my friends and family. Here's to creating new memories with your children or experiencing a couple good ones from when you were a young child.

xxoo P

The Wind at My Back

I can't bring myself to buying anything for the baby. At times I indulge myself and pop into a baby store to research strollers or to check out what is new the cloth diaper world. But I feel like a phony. I never stay long as the initial excitement wheres off in nano seconds once I am in and look around at other parents who actually have babies with them. I am really ok with it all but it just confirms why I don't want to buy anything until I have the baby proposal come my way. I don't want to jinx anything and I actually want to meet her first. How can you buy a gift for someone if you don't know who they are. Although I almost did that today at a store closing sale. Beautiful tablecloths and place mats at 70% off. I stopped, looked, and then walked right by thinking I will pop in on my way back to the car. Never passed the store, ended up walking around the block to hit the LCBO. At least I have my priorities straight.

OK, I digressed there for a moment. I want to jump back to my "researching" that I am doing for the baby. On-line has proven to be the best therapy. I don't feel like a phony on-line as it is just me looking, no other people, babies or store clerks asking "how old is your baby?"

The other week I found this really cool hammock. I thought how wonderful this be to hang on the cottage porch or out from a tree (yes I will have a bug net over it). Imagine looking up and seeing green shining leaves dancing with the wind and gold streaks of the sun playing hide-and seek.

For those who really know me....know how hard it is for me not to be completely organized and have everything all planned out down to the last onesie-washed, pressed and folded. But in this time of uncertainty I am learning how to be patient and how to let the universe back into my life for a little support and guidance (thanks S.L.). I need to trust that all will be right and I will be where I need to be at that time. It is rather liberating (big smile and sigh) knowing that I don't have to walk into the wind all the time.

Run Char Run

I have not been very active on my blog the past couple weeks but really there has not been much to write about. I am patiently waiting for Spring to arrive and stay put. I have had enough of the winter stuff and I need to put my box of hats, mitts, and scarves away. With that will go the boot tray by the door and those heavy winter coats that billow into my hallway taking up precious space in my already tiny house.

As I write this I am also thinking that my Charlotte goes to her dad's place tonight for three months. My three months are up and they were glorious. I just loved having her little spirit along side of me, looking up and wiggling her brown nose at me, lifting an eyebrow in question. She got me off my ass during my recovery to walk her. There is no keeping this dog inside and even if your head is in the toilet you would rather walk her than put up with her antics. She is my dress rehearsal before having a baby.

On Sunday we went to the Maple Syrup festival in Mountsberg. I was with my girlfriends and their babies/children. This place was swarming with families. There were excited children everywhere getting ready to eat pancakes and to learn how maple syrup is made. Charlotte was in heaven with all those pancakes around and her friends. We happily went along for the ride although what it really felt like to me was "one of these things just doesn't belong" song. After a while I needed to leave the "shiny happy people" for refuge into the wild so with that I said good-bye and Char and I (and auntie) left to hike through the woods and walk back to the farmhouse we were staying at.

This is a beautiful path back to the road with a boardwalk, forest, streams and really good smells. A quarter of the way in I let Char off the lead so she could feel free and run (and get tired). Within a few seconds she was off into the bush looking like she was on a mission for something. She did not come back. We waited and waited and finally it dawned on me that she might be headed back for the tasty bun we saw on route. Her nose never forgets. I head off back to where the people are but no sign of Char. I run back to Auntie and she has a strong hold on Char...she was just in the bush exploring just as a dog would do. So I am relieved at this point and we decide to carry on. Not more than 3 minutes later she was off like a shot again. This time we waited and waited and no Char. I was so worried that she might have fallen into the icy stream and maybe it was deep or it was too slippery for her to get out. All these thoughts came into my head. Auntie and I split up and she went back the way we came and I went into the bush to see if she was anywhere near. I couldn't believe this. We have walked this path a couple times and she has never done this.

I all but give up and start to walk back to park. I get word from a woman on the path that Char was there and having an altercation with her dog. I get chastised for not having Char on a leash and by this point I am too angry to even apologize to this dog owner and her mean looking dog. Almost into the park and Auntie comes running....:we found Char we found Char". My group of friends were waiting just inside the park all chagrined and I am poker face mad. They tell me they were just walking from the pancake area and they saw a dog running..."hey look at that dog". My other friend says, "that is not a dog that is Charlotte...look at the collar". So they bellowed her name and offered her treats and she came a runnin. She was held by a scarf until we could get the leash on her. Boy I was livid (and had to pee).

Char and I walked all the way home on the road, on a short lead and when we got back to the farm she stayed on lead while she was outside. Not a peep from her, head down, eyes upward looking at me with that beautiful face of hers. She knew she was in trouble. I figured that she either wanted pancakes or she just wanted to be where all the people were. All the passer by-ers were giving her lots of attention and she lives for that. Char also loves my friends and all their children (she is their protector).

Sometimes it just might not be about food. But who is kidding who...she is a lab.

Ah...the weekend is here.

I love my weekends. Who doesn't? Nothing is better than waking up and not having any plans. You just wing it for the day. One of my favorite things I look forward to is my coffee ritual on the weekend. Although I enjoy this every day of the week, on Sat & Sun it is much more special and this is why:

• first off I grind my beans fresh on Saturday (during the week it is just too loud and the walls between our houses are thin and that makes me a great neighbour).
• I only use organic kicking horse coffee (Three Sisters, Kootenay Crossing or Z-Wrangler) and I forgo the drip coffee machine and use a 1 cup filter process (Ezra's Pound uses this method).
• On Saturdays I make a big coffee and drink while I am reading the paper and on Sundays I actually froth my milk and make a latte that would rival Starbucks.
• I use only organic harmony cream for my coffee and for those close friends of mine...they know just how sticky I am about cream let alone organic cream (remember NYC?).
• I enjoy my cuppa java while reading the paper, reading blogs, or catching up on the news on-line and when it is sunny and warm outside I will head out to the porch with a good book or throw it in a to go cup and walk with my dog.
• Lastly, when up at C.I. I have more time to use the mocha on the stove and head to the beach with my journal in hand.

NYC Coffee Story: celebrating a milestone birthday with 3 of my girlfriends we wake up the first morning in the flat we were staying at in need of coffee. One of my friends sets off to find coffee to bring back for us as we really needed the shot of caffine to kick us into our day of mega shopping. My friend comes back having to only go a couple blocks for some java all smiles at having completed the task at hand in record time. The smell of coffee swirling around the small NYC flat....we were petty happy. Big thanks went out to our friend for venturing out so early in the morning .....but what do I do? Well, first off I have to make accomodations that it is not organic coffee but what made matters worse for me was that there was no cream at all....just milk. I can be pretty flexible on many things but my day is not off to a good start without my coffee ritual. I can't stay quiet for too long and have opted out of drinking coffee all together at this point. My lovely friend who has one of the biggest hearts I know volunteers to go and get cream for me. She felt responsible and knew that her job in getting coffee was not going to be complete unless she found and brought back cream for me. And so she did : )

So what is the moral of this story? Well a couple things come to mind. Don't ever serve me coffee without cream and organic cream prefered. Also, what comes to mind is that they don't have organic coffee in Vietnam let alone organic cream. I will be lucky to get cream. Or perhaps I need to be more adaptable to various hot drinks (hypnosis could work). Hmmm lots to think about and enough time to come up with a specific plan.

Note to self....modify coffee system for Vietnam or have an intervention before I go.

I am excited for other's excitement....

Over the past week or so there has been many referrals to waiting parents. I am following along with some of them through their blogs. One family in particular have been waiting for over 22 months and they just received their referral of a beautiful baby girl. So much happiness floating about my little adoption community.

There were also a couple referrals for baby boys. I am so fortunate to be able to share in some of the photos and my heart just melts knowing that these little babes will grow up with so much opportunity and love. I have read that the nannies in the orphanages are wonderful and very loving to all the babies they care for. That makes the waiting to travel for parents a little more tolerable.

So while I wait for my special day, for that telephone to ring and I am told to check my email for the new photos of my daughter, I will bask in the splendid thrill of others doing just that.

Trepidation

Lately, especially in the dead of winter, I have been questioning my ability to be a good "single" mom. Most of my friends are attached to another person called "the dad" and I still hear stories of how tired they are, frustrated, they don't have any time, baby won't sleep etc etc. Foresight allows me to be this strong capable woman juggling many balls but when I am feeling low I get overwhelmed at the thought of dropping many of those balls.

So this winter I have had the company of my lovely Charlotte to care for and I find myself every now and then getting frustrated. Come home from work, walk the dog, feed the dog, make dinner, watch a bit of tele, throw in laundry, get ready for bed, wake up, walk the dog, get ready to go to work....you get the picture and she is a dog with very few demands.

Maybe it is just the winter or that I am still post surgery but when I am feeling frustrated it makes me think how on earth will I be able to care for a baby, and a dog as one person? My mom did it with 6 children and I didn't feel the effects of that whatsoever. In fact I recall a wonderful childhood, very free and active. When I was growing up we were thrown into the backyard to play in the snow. My mom would be there to do a boot insulation change, new mittens and it was back outside to spend hours playing together.

As much as I am so excited about being a mom I am still very nervous and question if I can do it all. I guess this is what runs through every woman's head whether they adopt or give birth. Becoming a parent is daunting. It is the unexpected even when all your friends draw you a picture, my experience (or picture) will always be an original.

A Fork in the Road

I used to love a good ol fork in the road. I think back especially to when I was travelling on my own. I would set out backpacking in New Zealand or Australia and part way into my journey a fork would appear. Do I continue on set path or do I deviate to the unexpected that actually could be my true calling? My true north. As I hiked my way through the South Island of NZ I would almost always deviate and take the path least travelled or the optimal fork in the road that lead me to a new adventure.

So now at forty something I am shaken when there is a fork in the road. I am not equiped and I don't know how to navigate this impairment in my journey. It is like I turned forty and now, suddenly, even bungy jumping scares me and in my younger days, those who really know me, know what kind of bungee jumping I got up to.

Up until now I have kept a laser sharp focus on my Vietnam adoption. Tunnel vision some would say. I really believe in visualizing the future. Anyway, I now have a fork in my road. Don't get me wrong as it is still full steam ahead on my Vietnam adoption front but I have been presented with another path to take which means a shift in my current focus, taking time considering this fork in the road and wondering, questioning and not quite as eager to set my sail in a different direction.

Perhaps forty something has taught me to keep my eye on the ball, persevere and that good things come to those who, not just wait patiently, but work hard towards their goal.

The Winter Blues

It is coming up to the end of January and I am so happy to have this month behind me. Although it came with some great news and activities, I always find this month to be terribly long, cold, dark and lonely. Many are hibernating, avoiding the cold winds and the high snow drifts. Shovelling the drive became every one's workout regime (accept for my condo friends) in January.

I started back to work this month part-time from having three months off. For those of you reading and don't know I had reconstructive breast surgery (DIEP FLAP) due to breast cancer over 5 years ago. I can finally say that I am so happy I did this. I really thought I would never go down the surgery road again but 5 years is a long time and life does go on. The decision to have surgery also coincided with my adoption. I thought that if I could get a date for surgery in fall of 2008 then that would give me a good year to recover and gain back the strengths to travel to Vietnam to bring back baby Lily.

Everything seems to be on target. In Sept 2008 I was told that due to the situation of the US / Vietnam relationship on adoption that things have slowed down and my proposal date would be pushed to spring 2010 (They inform me at that time that I am about 24 on the list for adopting a girl). That was a kicker piece of news since I thought I would have been traveling in the summer of 2009. One must remain calm because if you are in this process of international adoption you have to be flexible, adaptable and optimistic. I was upset for about 4 hours and then quickly got over it.

My new motto: there is a reason for everything and I must not resist.

Go to early December 2008 and I get on the phone with my adoption agency. They now inform me that there has been quite a few referrals and some travel these past few months and I should anticipate a referral December 2009 (I am approx 18 on the list). I think that this is OK for me. Recover from surgery, save more money, organize house....it is all good.

"Referral" is when the Vietnam orphanage make a match between me and a baby and all information is sent to me via my adoption agency. It is also called a proposal.

Now I sit at the end of January thinking that my lovely daughter may not even be born yet. Possibly a summer baby may come my way. I contacted the agency last week to just check in. To my surprise I am told that I have moved and I am between 10-15 on the list. I am loving the list! I calm myself and tell myself not to read to much into this as things can change on a dime. I have been witness to much change already. But... my lips curl up, my eyes gleam and I allow myself to believe that my dream is finally going to come true.

The Lily Flower

The Lily Flower

Name: Lilium candidum was the most significant flower symbol for Christians and suggested purity. As a symbol of purity associated with virgins it became known as the Madonna Lily.

Origin: One of the first descriptions of the lily dates from the Chinese Middle Ages "the plant flowers until late autumn and there are three types, red, yellow and purple".

Colour: Some forms (Lilium longiflorum, L. candidum, oriental lilies) are highly perfumed but white only; others (asiatic lilies) are highly coloured but scent-free

Availability: All year (thank goodness).

Care Tips: Remove the pollen stamens by pinching them together and pulling them up out of the flower. This prolongs the flower's life as well. Use sellotape to remove pollen, not water which will fix the stain.

Trivia & Facts: Lilies have been cultivated for over 3000 years. Feng Shui believers hold the lily as an emblem of summer and abundance; to the Chinese, lily means "Forever in love". The lily was the holy flower of the ancient Assyrians. Until the 16th century the Madonna lily was the only garden variety known, because of this the "lilies of the field" as mentioned in the bible are thought to be this specific lily. A lily has adorned the coat of arms of the kings of France since 1179. King Chlodwig I allegedly received this 'fleur de lys', as it is called in heraldic language, from an angel. But in actual fact his flower wasn't a lily, as the name implies, but an iris. Via Louis XI the motif made its way to the coat of arms of the Medici family, and from there on to the arms of Florence and Tuscany. Interestingly, only the Florentine 'fleur de lys' has stamens like a lily (see there must be Italian running through my blood).

Mythology: In Greek poetry, the lily stood for tenderness. It was also referred to as the voice of cicadas or of the muses. There is a Greek myth that tells us how the lily was born from the milk of the goddess Hera. The lily still symbolises pure, virginal love in the Christian world.

Medicinal: In the past, various flowers were used to prepare remedies in popular medicine. In China some served as lucky charms, while others were thought to be capable of averting the evil eye. In another historical account we read that people were interested in lilies for their anti-toxic powers and their capacity of curing depressions. In Europe, too, lilies were used as a remedy against a wide range of diseases and ailments right up to the beginning of the last century.

Caution: Be aware that lilies can be highly poisonous to cats. Owners should be aware of this risk and keep their pets away from them (thank goodness I have a dog).

It is About Time I Started

I have been thinking of creating a blog for the past 6 months, mainly to share in this wonderful journey of becoming a parent and also to capture a story for Baby Lily. I do this because even at my age I am hungry for information about myself as a baby and stories of my mother who passed away when I was only 14 years old.

To know where you come from is a big steping stone for oneself in finding a place in the world where you feel secure, safe and confident. It is my honour and delight to journal my thoughts and experiences as a soon-to-be parent through adoption but more importantly, I feel compelled to write these stories for Lily.

So, stay tuned and I will share some stories, timelines and the ins and outs of adopting as a single parent. It is a new year and I feel very hopeful that my life-long journey to be a parent is going to happen this year. Mark my words.