The Wind at My Back

I can't bring myself to buying anything for the baby. At times I indulge myself and pop into a baby store to research strollers or to check out what is new the cloth diaper world. But I feel like a phony. I never stay long as the initial excitement wheres off in nano seconds once I am in and look around at other parents who actually have babies with them. I am really ok with it all but it just confirms why I don't want to buy anything until I have the baby proposal come my way. I don't want to jinx anything and I actually want to meet her first. How can you buy a gift for someone if you don't know who they are. Although I almost did that today at a store closing sale. Beautiful tablecloths and place mats at 70% off. I stopped, looked, and then walked right by thinking I will pop in on my way back to the car. Never passed the store, ended up walking around the block to hit the LCBO. At least I have my priorities straight.

OK, I digressed there for a moment. I want to jump back to my "researching" that I am doing for the baby. On-line has proven to be the best therapy. I don't feel like a phony on-line as it is just me looking, no other people, babies or store clerks asking "how old is your baby?"

The other week I found this really cool hammock. I thought how wonderful this be to hang on the cottage porch or out from a tree (yes I will have a bug net over it). Imagine looking up and seeing green shining leaves dancing with the wind and gold streaks of the sun playing hide-and seek.

For those who really know me....know how hard it is for me not to be completely organized and have everything all planned out down to the last onesie-washed, pressed and folded. But in this time of uncertainty I am learning how to be patient and how to let the universe back into my life for a little support and guidance (thanks S.L.). I need to trust that all will be right and I will be where I need to be at that time. It is rather liberating (big smile and sigh) knowing that I don't have to walk into the wind all the time.