Ah...the weekend is here.

I love my weekends. Who doesn't? Nothing is better than waking up and not having any plans. You just wing it for the day. One of my favorite things I look forward to is my coffee ritual on the weekend. Although I enjoy this every day of the week, on Sat & Sun it is much more special and this is why:

• first off I grind my beans fresh on Saturday (during the week it is just too loud and the walls between our houses are thin and that makes me a great neighbour).
• I only use organic kicking horse coffee (Three Sisters, Kootenay Crossing or Z-Wrangler) and I forgo the drip coffee machine and use a 1 cup filter process (Ezra's Pound uses this method).
• On Saturdays I make a big coffee and drink while I am reading the paper and on Sundays I actually froth my milk and make a latte that would rival Starbucks.
• I use only organic harmony cream for my coffee and for those close friends of mine...they know just how sticky I am about cream let alone organic cream (remember NYC?).
• I enjoy my cuppa java while reading the paper, reading blogs, or catching up on the news on-line and when it is sunny and warm outside I will head out to the porch with a good book or throw it in a to go cup and walk with my dog.
• Lastly, when up at C.I. I have more time to use the mocha on the stove and head to the beach with my journal in hand.

NYC Coffee Story: celebrating a milestone birthday with 3 of my girlfriends we wake up the first morning in the flat we were staying at in need of coffee. One of my friends sets off to find coffee to bring back for us as we really needed the shot of caffine to kick us into our day of mega shopping. My friend comes back having to only go a couple blocks for some java all smiles at having completed the task at hand in record time. The smell of coffee swirling around the small NYC flat....we were petty happy. Big thanks went out to our friend for venturing out so early in the morning .....but what do I do? Well, first off I have to make accomodations that it is not organic coffee but what made matters worse for me was that there was no cream at all....just milk. I can be pretty flexible on many things but my day is not off to a good start without my coffee ritual. I can't stay quiet for too long and have opted out of drinking coffee all together at this point. My lovely friend who has one of the biggest hearts I know volunteers to go and get cream for me. She felt responsible and knew that her job in getting coffee was not going to be complete unless she found and brought back cream for me. And so she did : )

So what is the moral of this story? Well a couple things come to mind. Don't ever serve me coffee without cream and organic cream prefered. Also, what comes to mind is that they don't have organic coffee in Vietnam let alone organic cream. I will be lucky to get cream. Or perhaps I need to be more adaptable to various hot drinks (hypnosis could work). Hmmm lots to think about and enough time to come up with a specific plan.

Note to self....modify coffee system for Vietnam or have an intervention before I go.

I am excited for other's excitement....

Over the past week or so there has been many referrals to waiting parents. I am following along with some of them through their blogs. One family in particular have been waiting for over 22 months and they just received their referral of a beautiful baby girl. So much happiness floating about my little adoption community.

There were also a couple referrals for baby boys. I am so fortunate to be able to share in some of the photos and my heart just melts knowing that these little babes will grow up with so much opportunity and love. I have read that the nannies in the orphanages are wonderful and very loving to all the babies they care for. That makes the waiting to travel for parents a little more tolerable.

So while I wait for my special day, for that telephone to ring and I am told to check my email for the new photos of my daughter, I will bask in the splendid thrill of others doing just that.

Trepidation

Lately, especially in the dead of winter, I have been questioning my ability to be a good "single" mom. Most of my friends are attached to another person called "the dad" and I still hear stories of how tired they are, frustrated, they don't have any time, baby won't sleep etc etc. Foresight allows me to be this strong capable woman juggling many balls but when I am feeling low I get overwhelmed at the thought of dropping many of those balls.

So this winter I have had the company of my lovely Charlotte to care for and I find myself every now and then getting frustrated. Come home from work, walk the dog, feed the dog, make dinner, watch a bit of tele, throw in laundry, get ready for bed, wake up, walk the dog, get ready to go to work....you get the picture and she is a dog with very few demands.

Maybe it is just the winter or that I am still post surgery but when I am feeling frustrated it makes me think how on earth will I be able to care for a baby, and a dog as one person? My mom did it with 6 children and I didn't feel the effects of that whatsoever. In fact I recall a wonderful childhood, very free and active. When I was growing up we were thrown into the backyard to play in the snow. My mom would be there to do a boot insulation change, new mittens and it was back outside to spend hours playing together.

As much as I am so excited about being a mom I am still very nervous and question if I can do it all. I guess this is what runs through every woman's head whether they adopt or give birth. Becoming a parent is daunting. It is the unexpected even when all your friends draw you a picture, my experience (or picture) will always be an original.

A Fork in the Road

I used to love a good ol fork in the road. I think back especially to when I was travelling on my own. I would set out backpacking in New Zealand or Australia and part way into my journey a fork would appear. Do I continue on set path or do I deviate to the unexpected that actually could be my true calling? My true north. As I hiked my way through the South Island of NZ I would almost always deviate and take the path least travelled or the optimal fork in the road that lead me to a new adventure.

So now at forty something I am shaken when there is a fork in the road. I am not equiped and I don't know how to navigate this impairment in my journey. It is like I turned forty and now, suddenly, even bungy jumping scares me and in my younger days, those who really know me, know what kind of bungee jumping I got up to.

Up until now I have kept a laser sharp focus on my Vietnam adoption. Tunnel vision some would say. I really believe in visualizing the future. Anyway, I now have a fork in my road. Don't get me wrong as it is still full steam ahead on my Vietnam adoption front but I have been presented with another path to take which means a shift in my current focus, taking time considering this fork in the road and wondering, questioning and not quite as eager to set my sail in a different direction.

Perhaps forty something has taught me to keep my eye on the ball, persevere and that good things come to those who, not just wait patiently, but work hard towards their goal.